Never bring a mustache to a beard fight. No truer words have ever been uttered, but do you really know the benefits of having a beard? There is a simple reason men naturally grow facial hair. Survival. We evolved to bearded greatness and shaving it is a slap in the face to our ancestors who earned it the hard way.
BEARD VS CANCER
Probably the most obvious use for having a beard is sun protection. A full Zach Galifianakis beard will block approximately 95 percent of the sun’s harmful UV rays, which can prevent your pale ass from forming skin cancer. Four out of five cases of skin cancer in men develop on the face, head, or neck. Suck on that, SPF-70.
BEARD VS AGING
Another result of overexposure to the sun is aging. A full set of chin whiskers will block those UV rays and prevent your face from turning into an old catcher’s mitt.
BEARD VS FATNESS
Do you have more chins than a Chinese phonebook? No problem. Grow a beard or continue to get mistaken for Chaz Bono. A well-manicured beard can bring back that jaw line you used to have and hide the other three chins. It’s way easier than dieting and hitting the gym.
BEARDS VS PIMPLES
A beard not only hides your ugly face, it makes it prettier. Irritation from shaving is one of the leading causes of pimples, ingrown hairs, or other blemishes. Razors also carry germs and spread bacteria around your face like a weekend in Put-in-Bay.
BEARD VS DRY SKIN
Unless you want your face to be as dry as a popcorn fart, stay away from the razor. Beards protect your face from the elements and keep you from developing wind burn while the natural oils in your beard moisturize your skin. So there’s no longer a reason to keep that big bottle of Lubriderm next to your bed…oh wait.
BEARD VS POLLUTION
We may forget we have nose hair, until you hit 30 and it decides to turn into a goddamn hippie in need of a constant trim. Hair around your airways is nature’s way of filtering out toxins in the air before taking it into our body. With that being said, the more hair around your airways the better, so man up and grow a big ass beard already.