A wiser man than me once said, “the only way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.” Fact is, the older we get, the more susceptible we become to hangovers. It seems like nowadays I wake up feeling like a 10-pound bag of smashed ass whether I drink one beer or thirty.
Don’t fret. Guy Manningham is here to feed you baby birds with a few proven remedies for the dreaded hangover that he’s collected during his worldly travels. Though we can’t take away the swamp donkey you mistook for a supermodel in your drunken stupor last night, we might be able to make you feel a little less nauseated about your sticky situation.
For decades, recovering drunks have been chugging back ‘morning after’ Bloody Mary cocktails in hopes to ease their stomachs and continue whatever Hemmingway-like binge they happen to be on.
Named after the infamous red-headed bitch, Queen Mary I aka “Bloody Mary,” the drink has adopted many variations from the original vodka and tomato juice recipe. Here is how I make a Bloody Mary. Warning: I like mine extra spicy.
- 1 (11.5 fl oz) can spicy vegetable juice cocktail (Spicy Hot V8 Juice)
- 1/2 lime, juiced
- 1 stalk celery
- 4 dashes pepper sauce (such as Frank’s Red Hot®)
- 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
- 1 teaspoon prepared horseradish
- 4 (1.5 fluid ounce) jiggers vodka, or to taste
- 1/2 cup crushed ice
- salt and ground black pepper to taste
- 1 cup ice cubes
- 4 marinated cocktail onions
- 1/2 carrot (optional)
- 2 short stalks of celery with leaves
- 2 stuffed green olives
- 1/2 lime, cut into wedges
- 2 thin strips of green bell pepper (optional)
- 2 small sprigs of mint (optional)
- crab meat (optional)
- a few strips of fried bacon (optional)
- In a blender, combine the vegetable juice, lime juice, 1 celery stalk, hot pepper sauce, Worcestershire sauce, horseradish, vodka, and crushed ice. Season with salt and pepper. Cover, and blend until smooth.
- Use two large frozen beer mugs, highball or pint glasses. Place one cocktail onion at the bottom of each glass. Put 1/2 cup of ice cubes into each glass. Use a vegetable peeler to pull a few strips off of the carrot for each glass. Put in a slice of green pepper. Divide the blended mixture evenly between the two glasses.
- On cocktail toothpicks, place a green olive, a cocktail onion, and a lime wedge. Attach each one to a celery stalk so that when inserted, this garnish is on the top of the drink. Sprinkle on a few more carrot strips, and garnish each drink with a sprig of mint.
- Add crab meat and/or bacon if you’re feeling frisky.
When I first saw a Russian girl chugging pickle juice straight from the jar of Vlasic® dills, I thought this is how we won The Cold War. Turns out, she wasn’t crazy though… well she was, but it had nothing to do with pickles. Pickle juice contains two key elements of curing a hangover: water and sodium. Hangovers are your body’s way of kicking you in the nuts for letting yourself get dehydrated. Sodium makes you retain water, thus ridding you of the bubble guts.
Spicy Hot V8 Juice
Much like pickle juice, V8 Juice contains water and sodium – stuff your body needs to bounce back after a bender. It also contains tons of vitamins and nutrients and more servings of veggies than the neglected salad bar at Golden Corral.
“Hey bartender, you know how to make a red eye?”
If you’ve never seen the movie “Cocktail,” first off – slap yourself, then Netflix the hell out of it. This Frankenstein of a concoction comes from parts unknown, much like a mysterious Mexican luchador. Like our colorful friend in tights, we will just venture to say it comes from some dirty ass town in Mexico.
Yukgaejang (spicy Korean soup)
This soup is not for the weak at heart. It comes with this warning: hotter than the hubs of Hell. That being said, it’s the best hangover cure I found during my drunken stint in South Korea, a country known for putting formaldehyde in liquor (see: Soju). Koreans can drink with the best of them. I’m not ashamed to say I’ve been out drank by a 90 lbs. Korean girl on more than one occasion. So… after a long night of shellacking (or embalming) your poor liver, nothing works better to get you ready for your 9am Taekwondo class.
You can order this liquid lava from pretty much any Korean restaurant for anywhere between $7-10. Don’t let the ‘soup’ title fool you. This is a man-sized meal loaded with beef and veggies, served with rice and a few Korean side dishes such as kimchi. If you’re feeling fancy, you can also try to make it yourself.
Fun Fact: Korea has multiple “hangover soups.” Another one is Haejangguk, which consists of dried Napa cabbage, congealed ox blood (similar to blood pudding), and vegetables in a hearty beef broth. I chose Yukgaejang because it tastes better and is much easier to make… plus congealed ox blood doesn’t sound too appealing when I’m already worshiping the porcelain God.
Video: How to make Yukgaejang (hangover soup)
1 Lb of beef brisket, half an onion, water, 12 green onions, 5 cups of bean sprouts, fern brakes (kosari), 1 stalk of celery, garlic, hot pepper flakes, sesame oil, vegetable oil, salt, soy sauce, and black pepper.
- In a big pot, add beef brisket, 14-15 cups of water, and half an onion, then boil it for 40-50 minutes over high heat.
- Cut the green onions, celery, and fern brakes (kosari) into pieces about 7 cm in length. Put them all into a big bowl.
- Put 3 tbs hot pepper flakes, 1 tbs of sesame oil, 1 tbs of vegetable oil, 1 tbs soy sauce, 1 tbs of salt, and some grounded black pepper into a small bowl and mix it. This is your hot pepper oil sauce.
- Put the hot pepper oil sauce into the vegetables mixture and mix them all up.
- When the beef is well cooked, take it out and set it aside to cool down.
- Add the mixture of vegetables and hotpepper oil sauce into the boiling beef stock. Boil it for 20-30 minutes.
- Slice the beef thinly and add it into the boiling soup. Cook it about 5-10 minutes more.